Birthdays are bittersweet for moms. You want to celebrate the joy of the new life you helped bring into this world on that special day, but at the same time, you mourn that your babies are growing up and your role in life is changing. Both of my beautiful daughters are born in July; so, while it is a joyous month, it is also a month in which I do a lot of reflection.
July 25, 2006 — I had been in labor for about 24 hours, and my doctor kept telling me I was experiencing Braxton-Hicks contractions because my contractions weren’t regular, but Ik new differently. Finally, after a hot shower, my contractions started at 3 minutes apart regularly. It happened so fast — Terry and my stepson drove me to the hospital at about 90 mph while I screamed. They wheeled me into the labor and delivery room; I stood up; my water broke; and 45 minutes later she was here. It happened so fast, and I experienced every second of her birth because I was too far along in labor to get the epideral and because I had been in labor (pain) for 24 hours I was slightly dehydrated and they couldn’t even get an IV to give me pain meds. I think that is how Fa wanted it — she wanted me to experience every second. Her way of saying, “Savour every minute — the good and the bad because life is too short to gloss over anything.” This is still her approach to life 6 years later.
Fa is my youngest, and I still baby her way too much even though she will be 6, but it is hard to know that the “baby” phase of motherhood is almost over. I cling to Fa because she represents for me all that is free and beautiful in this world.
After Terry and I had been married for two years, we decided we wanted a baby, and he really wanted a little girl. I was 33 when the plan formed, and I clearly stated that if I wasn’t pregnant by the time I was 35 I wasn’t going to get pregnant simply because I didn’t want to be “too old.” We tried for over a year with no luck. I began seeing a specialist and began taking medication to help us along in the process. One morning as I was praying, I asked for God’s will to be done. I told him that I was going to turn this over to him, and if he wanted to bless us with a baby, he would and if he didn’t, then I would accept his decision. I stopped taking the medicine, and two weeks later I was pregnant. You may say it was the medicines that was still in my system, but I say it was God’s blessing! Did I mention it was 4 months before my 35th birthday!?
I named my precious gift Linda Faith. Linda is my mother’s name. I wanted to honor the woman who had stood by me and supported me and loved me through everything; I also wanted to honor God. I named her Faith because without faith it is impossible to please God. In the first verse of Hebrews it says, “Now Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” And that is what my Faith is to me — the evidence of things not seen — love, hope, trust, etc.
Fa is the glue that holds this family together. We have the “his,” “mine,” and “ours” syndrome going on. Terry has Austin from his first marriage, and I have K from my ex. In the beginning, it was easy to separate into teams — us against them, but after Fa came along, we bonded more as a family. Austin and K have a sister that they share together, and let me tell you, Fa loves her Bubbie and her Sissy!! Terry and I have Fa together which made us grow closer. So, there is no longer the us against them — it is simply US!!
Fa is my spit-fire! She is free-spirited and funny and creative. She is everything I am not! Sometimes I wish I could be more like her because she milks life for everything it is worth. She reminds me to slow-down a bit, to laugh more, and to not take myself so seriously. I love her immensely!!
I have a special song that I say is “our” song. It is “Smile” by Uncle Kracker: