My grandmother use to say, “Girl, I would go through hell with kerosine drawers on for you?” Well, I felt like I did that for K a few weekends ago, when I drove to Quakertown, Pennsylvania to watch her play in a softball tournament. I had forgotten there are some vital differences between the North and the South!
- First, the way the roads are laid out make no sense to me. I could be traveling along in what I thought was a straight line only to find 6 differnt roads, intersections, highways, routes, etc. looming in front of me sending me into a full blown panic attack mumbling to myself, “There is no place like home. There is no place like home.” Another mother told me that in Pennsylvania they built the roads based on where the cows wondered! I didn’t see any cows up there which would have probably provided me with some comfort if I had of seen them since I am from a more rural area, but obviously following the cows to build roads was not a very sound plan!
- Second, the tolls caught me by surprise. We have tolls in Virginia, but when I pulled up to the first major toll booth with my standard .75 cents Virginia toll, the lady looked at me as if I was crazy! As I sat smiling sweetly at her, she growled, “$4.00!” I gasped, “Really! $4.00!” “Really! Could you please pay so we can move this along?” This $4.00 toll was followed by a $6.00 toll, a $3.00 toll, and ended with a $2.45 toll. Totaling $15.45 which could almost buy me a half a tank of gas which by the way is more expensive up north!
- Third, as I traveled through the heart of Washington D.C., which I didn’t want to do, but the GPS decided it was a good route, I had the pleasure of providing Fa with a basic understanding of urban living. I answered such questions as: “Why are there so many people… buildings… cars… etc?” “If there are so many cars, why do so many people walk?” Is there any grass in the city?” “Why are all of those people just sitting on the sidewalk or by the building? They must like to shop a lot because they have tons of bags!” Homelessness was the hardest to explain. I don’t know if she could wrap her mind around it, but she did say, “I sure hope they don’t get in the car with us and try to go to our HOME.”
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A typical speed limit sign in the United States showing a 50 mph restriction. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Finally, in the south the speed limit signs tend to be enforced making me cautious. As I entered Pennsylvania, I was going my safe 5 miles over the speed limit — so 55=60, 65=70, etc. In Pennsylvania, 55=85, 65=95. NO KIDDING! So, I moved over to the right lane, also known as the slow lane, since I was going so much slower than everyone else. Only to see a sign that said, “Slower traffic keep left.” By now, I was confused, tired, and done, but trying to follow the rules, I moved over to the left lane. I was then bombarded with blowing horns and people shooting me the finger as they drove by. Fa held up her middle finger and asked me what it meant. I told her it must be how they waved Hi in Pennsylvania. A few minutes later I looked in my rearview mirror to see FA giving everyone the finger!!
To end this story, at dinner I ordered a sweet tea only to be looked at as if I had 3 heads! A dad of one of the girls on the softball team said, “Honey, sorry to tell you , but you are too far north for sweet tea!!” I began to mumble, “There is no place like home! There is no place like home!”
whatsupyournose 